Reason #8,546 Why Christianity is the Root of All Evil

Anders Behring Breivik.
 Conservative Christian Fundmentalist.
Right-Wing Extremist.
White Supremicist.
Gun Enthusiast.
Hates Socialism.

Opened fire on children on a holiday island in Norway.
Death toll 80 and counting.

Republican Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann shares the same beliefs as this man.
Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum shares the same beliefs as this man.
Texas Governor and likely Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Perry shares the same beliefs as this man.
Republican Grifter Sarah Palin shares the same beliefs as this man.

Jesus hates the little children, all the children of the world.

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Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

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Secessionist Sarah’s Gettysburg Address

One polling scare and thirty-four months ago, John McCain inflicted on this continent a desperation move, conceived in cynicism, and dedicated to the proposition that all women shall vote for a token VP candidate, and also, too, that a dimwitted Journalism major and an editor of the Harvard Law Review are created equal.

Now I am engaged in a Great Grifting Scheme, testing whether fugly white Christian women, seething with vile racist hatred, can be fleeced of their Gubmint Soshulist Security checks. We are met at a great fundraising event of that scheme, and I have come to dedicate a portion of SarahPAC proceeds, as proof positive that those who here give their cash, do so that my daughter may have unlimited cosmetic surgery and her own reality show. It is altogether fitting and proper that us Real ‘mercans®—yes, even those who don’t have their own personal Witch Doctors—should do this.

But, in a larger sense, Charlie, I cannot dedicate, I cannot consecrate, I cannot hallow this ground without demonstrable profit. The decrepit old white Christian men, living and dead, who struggled to get up that hill in their free Medicaid scooters, have consecrated it, far above my expectation of the gate receipts. The world will little note, nor long remember the nonsensical word salad that spews from my Twitter account, but it can never forget the money I made here.

It is for us the wealthy, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who pay me have thus far so nobly advanced. Also, too, it is for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining until my Greed…er… One Nation Tour is over—that from these ignorant rubes I take increased donations to that cause for which they give the last full measure of their measly bank accounts—that I here highly resolve that these rubes shall not have contributed in vain—that Sarah Palin, under the Warmongering God of Joel’s Army, shall give a new birth to Fascism—and that government of the non-believers, by Big Oil, for the sake of my net worth, shall not perish from the earth.

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For those who prefer United States History to Republican Revisionist History®, here is the actual text of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

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Did you know? Sarah’s husband, Todd Palin, was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party, an extremist secessionist group that gained the backing of Iran (yes, that Iran) in it’s efforts to secede from the good ol’ USA?

Also, too, here’s Sarah, “delighted” to give the welcome speech to the 2008 Alaskan Independence Party Convention. Good thing the dumb fucking hicks don’t know about teh YouTubes, eh?

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Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

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Alternate Titles for Palin’s Latest Grifting Scheme… er, Movie

Laughing out loud this morning at the Balloon Juice Commentariat re: the latest grifting scheme from Vacuous Celebrity Sarah Palin® so here’s some one-stop-shopping for all your copy & pasting needs.

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2012: A Space Cadet’s Odyssey

2012: A Specious Oddity

A Campaign Too Far

A Fibber Runs Through It

A Fistful of Dollars, Also II

A Nightmare on Your Street

A Room with a View of Russia

A Serious Joke

Alaska Family Robbing Soon

Alaska Shrugged

All About Thieves

All Quiet On the Frontal Lobe

All Quiet on the Wingnut Front

All the Candidate’s Family

All The President’s Men Snickered

Also Too: Electric Boogaloo

Amadoofus

Animal Spouse

Apocalypse Soon

Apocalypstick on a Pig

As Bad As It Gets

Attack of the 50-IQ-Point Woman

Attack of the Stupid Bimbo

Auntie Lame

Babbling On 5

Back to the Past

Batshit Begins

Batshit Forever

Batshit Returns

Battlefield Earth II

Bimbo Fink

Birdbrain of Anchorage

Birther of a Nation

Bitch Cassidy and the Oddly Named Kids

Blazing Prattle

Blood Simple-Minded

Blunderball

Brainspotting

Bridge on the Tongass Narrows

Bringing Out The Dread

Bristol’s Millions

Burn After Watching

Burst Sarah Burst

Burying Alaska

Bye, Bye, Birdbrain

C*A*S*H (double featured with Gone With The Palins)

Camp Nowhere

Campaign Season Fever

Casablankstare

Casabumpkin

Chagrintown

Chariots of Bile

Chariots of Liar

Citizen Con

Citizen Inane

Citizen Insane

Citizen Vain

Close Encounters of a Closed Mind

Clueless II Also

Cocktail Party Punchline

Coffee, Tea, and Pay Me

Crocodile Fundie

Crouching Palin, Hidden Dragonlady

Cultural Learnins of Alaska for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of America

Das (Nieman Marcus) Boots

Dazed and Confused, Also II

Death Panel Becomes Her

Death Race 2012

Desperately Seeking Syntax

Despicable Her

Do the Stupid Thing

Dopey’s Choice

Dr. Griftlove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Apocalypse

Dr. No Fucking Way She Just Said That

Driving Miss Crazy

Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest: The Sarah Palin Story

Dumbsmoke

Easy Grifter

Easy Liar

Erasedhead

Eternal Sunshine of the Right Wing Mind

Fahrenheit All of Them

Falling Up

Fancy Pageant Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie.

Fantasia 2012

Far Away, Too Close

Fauxy Lady

Firing Super Troopers

First Dude, Where’s My Vice Presidency?

Five Sleazy Pieces

Flashdunce

Flung Poo Pander

For A Few Million Dollars More

Forgetting Sarah Palin

Four Campaigns and a Movie

Four Photo Ops and a Turkey Slaying

Free Tickets and Our Air Conditioner is Working

From Here To Inanity

From Here to Insanity

From Here to Paternity

From Here to Wingnuttia

From Wasilla with Hate

Full Mental Jackass

Full Metal Straight Jacket

Full Pleather Jacket

Fun With Levi’s Dick and Jane

Gentlemen Prefer Morons

Gone with the Cash

Gone with the Mind

Gone with the Whine

Governor Interrupted

Grifter Nation

Griftereye

Grifters For Algernon

Grizzly Madam

Guess Who’s Coming To Zing Her

Have Some More Num Nums You Fat Teabagging Sacks of Shit, or How I Learned To Sit Still While Sarah Palin Robbed My Dumb Ass Blind

Heading for Mexico – Like The Rest Of The Country

Helicopter Dances With Wolves

High Plains Grifter

Honey, I Exploited the Kids!

How Green Was My V.P.

How to Lose An Election in 10 Weeks

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Documentary Edition

How to Make An American Quit

How to Make An American Wilt

How To Succeed in Conservatism Without Really Trying

How To Fail In Politics By Not Really Trying

How To Train Your Dragon Lady

I, Botox

Ice Grifter Cometh

Ice Station C-Bra

Idiocracy

I’m Gonna Grift You Sucka

In What Respect, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

In What Respect, Charlie Brown?

Inarticulate Proposal

Inglourious Bitch

Ingrate Expectations

Intolerable Cruelty

It’s a Wonderful Lie

Jackass 4 II

John McCain’s a Series of Unfortunate Events

Juneau II: Post Partum

Keepin’ it Steal

Killer Klown from Outer Alaska

Kindergarten Governor

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Wink Wink

Kung Fool Sarah

Legally Braindead

Legends of the Fail

Le Miserable

Less Than Zero IQ

Liarance of Alaska

Lie Another Day

Lie Hard

Lie Hard Also II

Lie Hard with a Vengeance

Little Governor of Horrors

Little Miss Barking

Lonesome Gov

Look Who’s Screeching, Also II

Loonraker

Lost in Transcription

Lyin’ in Winter

Mad Sarah to the Max

Malice Doesn’t Grift Here Anymore

Maverick Fever Pitch

McCain’s List

Meet Joe the Plumber

Meet the Parents. And the Kids. And Their Kids. And their Kids’ Kids’ Baby Daddies

Mentl

Midnight Quitter

Miracle on Meth Street

Mommie Dearest, Also  II

Mommy Palin’s Life of Quit’n

Monster’s Fall

Monty Python and the Holy Grifter

Mooseferatu

Mother, Jugs and Greed

Mrs. Doubtevolution

Mrs. Doubtsanity

Mrs. Grift Goes To Washington

Mrs. Palin Visits Juneau Part-Time, Takes Housing Allowance

Mutiny on the Campaign

My Left Foot (Is In My Mouth Also, Too)

My Little Phony

Nailin’ Palin  (or has that already been used?)

National Lampoon’s Presidential Candidate

Night of the Living Douchebag

Nightmare on Your Street

No Country for Black Men

No Country For Half-Term Governors

No Country For Newspaper Reading

No Hope No Change: The Sarah Palin Story

North By Nordstroms

Northern Blights

Northern Overexposure

Not-Hur

Not-So-Brave Heart

On a Clear Day You Can See teh Stupid

One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Nest

One Thick Phony

Pale Derider

Paligula

Palin 9 From Outer Space

Palin Hood: Princess of Thieves

Palin vs. Palin

Palindrama (hope the fucking mittens’ oppo research is up to the job)

Patriot Lames

Petty Baby

Petty Woman

PILF!

Pride and Prejudice, Also II

Profiles in Couric

Psycho II Also

Pulp Diction

Quit the Right Thing

Racky (starring Appalling Greed)

Raging Bullshit

Raiders of the Lost Surplus

Rain Woman

Real America and the Quest for the Golden Newspaper Stand

Reality Based Community Bites

Red Yawn

Re-Fudiator

Requiem for a Scheme

Riding in Clown Cars with Grizzly Mamas

Roger Ailes and Me

Scam By Me

S*H*I*T

Sarah and Sarah and Sarah and Sarah

Sarah, Blame and Gall

Sarah, Vain and Small

Sarah Palin and the Chamber of Echo

Sarah Palin and the Deathly Panels

Sarah Palin and the Half Term of Doom

Sarah Palin and the Last Crusade

Sarah Palin and the Temple of D’oh

Sarahnormal Activity

Saving Princess Palin

Say (Absolutely) Anything

Scent of A Moron

Serial Mom, also II

Sex, Lies, and Twitterfeeds

Shootout at the GOP Corral

Six Days, Seven Nights (then I quit)

Slumwolf Millionaire

Snakes in the Brain

Snark Attack 3: Megalomaniac

Snowbilly Grifter and the United States of 27%

So I Married a Syntax Murderer

Soylent Mean

Spender in the Dress

Spite Night

Squirmish

Star Bursts Episode 1 : The Phantom Nuisance

Star Bursts Episode 2 : Attack of the Clueless

Star Bursts Episode 3 : Revenge of the Stupid

Star Bursts Episode 4 : A New Imbecile

Star Bursts Episode 5 : The Idiot Strikes Back

Star Bursts Episode 6 : Return of the Moron

Starburst Wars

Starwhore

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Your Primary Hopes Dead

Stranger than Pulp Fiction

Sullivan’s Travails

Swindler’s List

Take the Money and Run

Tard Dreck V: The Search for Palin’s Brain

Taxi Driver II, Sarah Cleanses New York

Tea Agony and Tea Ecstasy

Tea Party in the Garden of Good and Evil

Tea with Moosilini

The 40-Year-Old Sixth Grader

The Alaskan Mental Patient

The Alaskan Queen

The American Press-is-Dense

The Apostle’s Screed

The Bad News Mama Bears

The Brain Dead Zone

The Bridge on the River No One Lives Near

The Christian Dominionist Candidate

The Clinging Defective

The Collapsing Inferno

The Countrykillers

The Dead Panel

The Deadliest Wretch

The Delusionist

The Devil Wears Mukluks

The Evil (not quite) Dead

The Exorcist Failed

The Faketrix

The Fall of the House of Musher

The Flim Flam Ma’am

The Free Red Shoes

The Godbotherer

The Goodbye Governor

The Graduate (Finally!)

The Grating Voice of Wrath

The Greatest Snowjob on Earth

The Greatest Story Ever Sold

The Grifters

The Half Monty

The Half-Term Princess

The Handmaid’s Fail

The Harrad/Hawaii Pacific/Northern Idaho/Idaho/Matanuska-Susitna College/Idaho Experiment

The Horseshit Whisperer

The House of Seven Grifters

The Human Conservapede (Half-Term Sequence)

The Hurt Locker

The Illustrated Dingbat

The Incredible Sulk

The Incurious Case of Sarah Snowbilly

The Insanitarium of Quitter Dumbass

The Jerk II, Also

The Kids Are All Fucked Up

The Legend of Teabagger Rants

The Lord of the Lies

The Lyin’, The Bitch and the Million Dollar Wardrobe

The Lying Game

The Maladjustment Bureau

The Mannequin Candidate

The Mansourian Candidate

The Neverending Whorey

The Newspaperchase

The Non-Graduate

The People vs. Sarah Palin

The Princess Pride

The Rape Kits of Wrath

The Right Bluff

The Right Stuff, Also II

The Rocky Horror Campaign Show

The Scorn Identity

The Scum Also Rises

The Shawshank Refudiation

The Silence of the Media

The Silence of the Turkeys

The SixthNon Sense

The Sociopath Network

The Sour Grapes of Staff

The Sucker Proxy

The Sun Also Rises, Too

The Treasure of the Sarah Con Game

The Unbearable Denseness of Being Sarah Palin

The Unbearable Whiteness Of Being Sarah Palin

The UnProfessional

The Unteachables

The Unusual Suspects

The Vagina Diatribes

The Wasillaville Horror

The Way We Were (White People)

The Wench Connection

The Whole Two-and-a-Half Yards

The Wholly Babble

The Woman Who Knew Too Little

The X-Gov Files: Fight Her Future

The Year of Living Ludicrously

The GOP and Their Dog

There Will Be Blood Libel

They Call Me Sister Fibs

They Died With Thigh Boots On

Throw Sarah From the Train

Throw Levi From The Train

Titanic II – You Know How This Ends

To Be or Not to Be, also, too…. what was the question?

To Kill a Mocking Couric

To Mock a Birdkilling

To Roger Ailes, Thanks for Everything – Sarah Oldmar

Todd and Sarah’s Excellent Fail Parade

Trailerpark Millionaire

Training Day Fuck, better make that a coupla years

Triumph of the Shill

Triumph of the Shrill

True Grift

True Quit

True Shit

Twelve Million Angry White Men

Two Mewls for Sister Sarah

Two Years for Sister Sarah

Unelectable

Unforgiven

Vapid Fire

Village of the Scammed

Wannabe Cowboys vs. Illegal Aliens

War On the Words

Wasila Birther Mystery

Wasilla vs. Mechadestroyah

Weird Pseudo-Intelligent Design

Wet Dreams May Come: The Rich Lowry Story

When Sarah Met Money

Where Vultures Dare

White Club

White Hunter, Black Socialist

White People Can’t Think

Who’s Afraid of the Virginia Primary?

Wingnut Ridge

With Deepest Apathy

Witless

Word Salad Days

Yankee Doodle Dimwit

You’ve Got Fail

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Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

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