In keeping with the Republican Party’s agenda to dictate* what women can and cannot do with their bodies, GOP Governor and Misogynistic Pig Bob McDonnell (R-Teabagger) is poised to sign State-Mandated, Non-Consensual, Non-Medically Necessary Vaginal Probing into law.

For men who think this doesn’t concern them, this will give the Commonwealth of Virginia the right to do this to your wife, girlfriend, daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece — even your mother if she’s young enough:

In a vile and disgusting example of the misogynistic extremism that has taken over the Republican Party, Governor McDonnell is at the top of the short list to be chosen as the GOP Vice Presidential Candidate.

In Other News on the GOP War on Women…

Republican Presidential Frontrunner Rick Santorum, a man who has forced his children to kiss and coddle a dead fetus, has publicly stated on more than one occasion that he believes that contraception poses a danger the U.S. and States should have the right to outlaw contraception.

That’s right, Ladies — criminal prosecution/jail-time for using Birth Control.

“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. [Sex] is supposed to be within marriage.”

~ Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum
  October 18, 2011   video

Yesterday, Foster Friess, Santorum’s surrogate and campaign financier to the tune of $500,000, went on national TV to say this to NBC Correspondent Andrea Mitchell**:

“This contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. Back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.”

~ Rick Santorum Campaign Financier Foster Friess
  February 16, 2012   video

In keeping with Republican Extreme Hypocrisy®, GOP Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum believes YOUR method of Birth Control should be to “keep your knees closed”, while the images above specify just exactly how wide you’ll have to spread your legs so that Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell can earn his conservative bona fides and appeal to the American Taliban (aka Christian Conservatives) enough to become the Republican Vice Presidential Candidate.

* That’s dictate, as in The Republican Party wants to turn our Participatory Democracy into an Authoritarian Dictatorship.

** Yes, Andrea, these are the Republicans you are shilling for with your penchant for false-equivalency bullshit, in the name of “fair and balanced”.

BOYCOTT VIRGINIA!

Virginia Contacts

Governor ‘s Office

Department of Travel & Tourism

Virginia Tourism Corporation

Virginia Hospitality and Travel Association

Virginia Beach Convention & Visitors Bureau

Corporations Headquartered in Virginia

full list

Capital One
Capitol Advantage
Crestline Hotels & Resorts
Dollar Tree
Gannett Company (USA Today)
Hilton Hotels Corporation
Mars, Incorporated
Medeco
Mobil
Nextel Communications
Plow and Hearth
Politico (as if the we needed another reason to boycott that GOP Propaganda Rag)
Rosetta Stone
Roy Rogers Restaurants
Rubbermaid Commercial Products
Smithfield Foods
Stanley
Sunrise Senior Living
Trailways Transportation System
Verizon Business
Verizon Long Distance
Volkswagen Group of America
What-A-Burger
Williamsburg Pottery Factory
Williamsburg Soap and Candle Factory
XO Communications

• Hurricane lamps (get it?)
• Crank flashlights & radio
• Total of nine phones that won’t work
• Cold chicken, chips, salsa, nuts, oranges, cherries, apples and a few Entenmann’s
• Twelve gallons of water
• Five cases of Sam Adams (misc)
• Four gallons of coffee (iced lattes – yum!)
• Three gallons of cherry-lemonade & Finlandia
• Two ounces of my friend’s cousin’s primo Jersey homegrown (best seeds in Amsterdam
• Three iPods fully charged and loaded with some excellent tunage (including 8/29/80 and the knowledge that 60% of us were there)
• Cards, poker chips, dice, checkers, chess, backgammon, Beatles Trivial Pursuit, and The Grateful Dead Game (all participants qualified)

I’ve been watching the wall-to-wall media coverage (brought to you by those who brought you climate change!) and all I can think of is Pink Floyd and Tear down the wall! — only it’s Gin up the fear!

Actually, our biggest fear is being without showers for a few days, so guests of guests have already been informed that, come Monday, they will have to sleep on the porch. Me and my s/o (happily not married for nine years) have also agreed that if we have to stink, we will stink together!

PS: To my fellow Jerseyites – *this* is how ya know it’s bad:

Seems they have a big problem with the All part of Justice for All.

For example, Sindy Clock wrote:

“I love Jesus, and the cross and if you dont, I hope someone rapes you!“

You can connect with her on Facebook.

Raylene Ingmire of Tulsa, OK writes:

“Here’s my solution, kill the group…”

Apparently, Raylene believes that “Freedom of Religion” applies only to Good Christians like herself.  I wonder if that’s what she’s teaching her students there in the Tulsa, Oklahoma Public School System?

Paul Altum: ”I say kill them all and let them see for themselves that there is God.”

Mike Holeschek: ”Nail them to the cross then display it.”

Hans Anderson: “atheist has no rights a snail has more rights than a atheist has I say throw them out to the sharks let them eat them like the ate bin laden”

Eileen Rourke: “Any court or lawyer who takes this case should be hung!!!! If you look at some of the people who are atheists they are all miserable looking because they don’t have any faith in anything. You should all go live in another country. You have taken enough of my rights away.”

Michael Perri: “these people are f’ing scum of the earth. can we start killing them now? few groups are filled with more hatred than atheists.”

Casey M Jones: ”Shoot em. At least we know where they’re going, waste of oxygen”

Bob O’Connell: “Shoot them. Shoot to kill. They’re atheists so it won’t matter if you kill them.”

Tim Allison: “KILL THEM.”

Joe Martinez: “To ALL ATHEIEST DIE AN GO TO HELL HAHA IF I COULD ID SHOOT ALL OF YOU IN THE HEAD WITH A 12GUAGE“

Chris Dunn: “I thinly we should hang the leader of that group on the cross with nails through their hands and feet, place a crown of thorns upon their head, RAM a spear through their side all after being whipped and beaten publicly! Just so they can endure what Christ dod so they understand the sacrifice behind what that cross symbolizes.”

Joseph Sneckenberg: “thats easy shoot them“

Patrick Alley: “Kill em all…let God sort em out. Guess what Atheists…”

Scott Miller: “IF THE CROSS OFFENDS YOU: SO SHOULD THIS COUNTRY; LEAVE BEFORE WE KILL YOU!!!!”

Mr. Boehner, where are the jobs?

Opened fire on children on a holiday island in Norway.
Death toll 80 and counting.

Republican Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann shares the same beliefs as this man.
Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum shares the same beliefs as this man.
Texas Governor and likely Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Perry shares the same beliefs as this man.
Republican Grifter Sarah Palin shares the same beliefs as this man.

Jesus hates the little children, all the children of the world.

Click to view slideshow.

Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

1. refusing to report the truth about Republican Treason and Ignorance
2. focusing on shiny objects like Casey Anthony instead of Republican Treason and Ignorance
3. inventing and ginning up non-troversies to ensure that the media becomes the story, rather than the Republican Treason and Ignorance
4. relying on false equivalency to support the  ”all Politicians are Treasonous or Ignorant” meme
5. presenting Republican Ignorance in dispute of  Scientific Fact (hint: fact means non-disputable)
6. using commercial timeouts to present propaganda for Bankstas, Big Oil, Big Pharma and Kochroaches (i.e. the financiers of Republican Treason and Ignorance)

Network/Cable Television

ABC News
147 Columbus Ave.,
New York, NY 10023

Phone: 212-456-7777
General e-mail: netaudr@abc.com
Nightline: nightline@abcnews.com
20/20: 2020@abc.com

CBS News
524 W. 57 St.,
New York, NY 10019

Phone: 212-975-4321
Fax: 212-975-1893
Email forms for all CBS news programs
CBS Evening News: evening@cbsnews.com
The Early Show: earlyshow@cbs.com
60 Minutes II: 60m@cbsnews.com
48 Hours: 48hours@cbsnews.com
Face The Nation: ftn@cbsnews.com

CNBC
900 Sylvan Avenue
Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632

Phone: (201) 735-2622
Fax: (201) 583-5453
Email: info@cnbc.com

CNN
One CNN Center
Box 105366
Atlanta, GA 30303-5366

Phone: 404-827-1500
Fax: 404-827-1784
Email forms for all CNN news programs

Fox News Channel (The GOP Ministry of Propaganda)
1211 Ave. of the Americas
New York, NY 10036

Phone: (212) 301-3000
Fax: (212) 301-4229
comments@foxnews.com
Special Report with Bret Baier: Special@foxnews.com
FOX Report with Shepard Smith: Foxreport@foxnews.com
The O’Reilly Factor: Oreilly@foxnews.com
Hannity: Hannity@foxnews.com,
On the Record with Greta: Ontherecord@foxnews.com

Glenn Beck: GlennBeck@foxnews.com < FORCED OFF THE AIR BY THE TRUE PATRIOTS

MSNBC/NBC
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

Phone: (212) 664-4444
Fax: (212) 664-4426
Dateline NBC: dateline@nbcuni.com
Hardball with Chris Matthews: hardball@msnbc.com

MSNBC Reports with Joe Scarborough: joe@msnbc.com
NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams: nightly@nbc.com
NBC News Today: today@nbc.com

PBS

2100 Crystal Drive
Arlington VA 22202

Phone: 703-739-5000

Fax: 703-739-5777
The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer: newshour@pbs.org

National Radio Programs

National Public Radio (NPR)
635 Massachusetts Ave. NW
Washington, DC 20001-3753

Phone: 202-513-2000
Fax: 202-513-3329
E-mail: Alicia Shephard, Ombudsman ombudsman@npr.org

Rush Limbaugh
1270 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

Phone (on air): 800-282-2882
Fax: 212-445-3963
E-mail: ElRushbo@eibnet.com

Sean Hannity
Phone (on air): 800-941-7326
Sean Hannity: 212-613-3800
James Grisham, Producer: 212-613-3832
E-mail: Phil Boyce, Program Director phil.boyce@citcomm.com

National Newspapers

The Los Angeles Times
202 West First Street
Los Angeles, CA 90012

Phone: 800-528-4637 or 213-237-5000
Fax: 213-237-4712
L.A. Times Contact Information by Department
Letters to the Editor: letters@latimes.com
Readers’ Representative: readers.rep@latimes.com

The New York Times
620 8th Ave.
New York, NY 10018

Phone: 212-556-1234
D.C. Bureau phone: 202-862-0300
Fax: 212-556-3690
Letters to the Editor (for publication): letters@nytimes.com
Write to the news editors: news-tips@nytimes.com
Corrections: senioreditor@nytimes.com

USA Today

7950 Jones Branch Dr.
McLean, VA 22108

Phone: 703-854-3400
Fax: 703-854-2078
Letters to the Editor: editor@usatoday.com

The Wall Street Journal
1211 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10036

Phone: 212-416-2000
Fax: 212-416-2658
Letters to the Editor: wsj.ltrs@wsj.com
Comment on News Articles: wsjcontact@dowjones.com

The Washington Post
1150 15th St., NW
Washington, DC 20071

Phone: 202-334-6000
Fax: 202-334-5075
Letters to the Editor: letters@washpost.com
Ombudsman: ombudsman@washpost.com

Magazines

Newsweek
251 W 57th Street
New York, NY 10019

Phone: 212-445-4000
Fax: 212-445-5068
Letters to the Editor: letters@newsweek.com

Time

Time & Life Bldg.
Rockefeller Center
1271 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

Phone: 212-522-1212
Fax: 212-522-0003
Letters to the Editor letters@time.com

U.S. News & World Report
1050 Thomas Jefferson St., NW
Washington, DC 20007

Phone: 202-955-2000
Fax: 202-955-2049
Letters to the Editor letters@usnews.com

News Services / Wires

Associated Press
450 West 33rd St.
New York, NY 10001

Phone: 212-621-1500
Fax: 212-621-1723
General Questions and Comments: info@ap.org

Reuters
Three Times Square
New York, NY 10036

Telephone: 646-223-4000

United Press International
1133 19th Street, NW
Suite 800
Washington, DC 20036

Telephone: 202-898-8000
FAX: 202-898-8048
Comments and Tips: tips@upi.com

http://www.fair.org/index.php?page=111

Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

Full Text of The Republican Platform for 2012 (PDF) >>

Short Version:

In Republican ‘merka, freedom applies only to white, male, Fundamentalist Christians and/or Fortune 500 Corporations to whom The Bush Supreme Court® has granted human status.

All others will be denied personhood, and will be allowed to exist merely to pay the taxes required to maintain the Socialist Infrastructure on which Virulently Anti-Socialist Republicans depend (roads, bridges, tunnels, military to invade sovereign countries so as to confiscate their oil, police and fire protection for their walled estates, trash removal, snow removal, food tasting, etc.)

By ‘all others’ we mean the below-listed groups, at whom it is the Republican-Jesus-Given right to spew vile hate speech, 24/7, via the GOP Ministry of Propaganda (FOXNews).

The Bill of Rights will no longer apply to the following groups:

In conclusion, we Republicans think “if you want a country ruled by religion, move to Iran” is bullshit, and we will instead impose our Ludicrous Brand of Theocracy on all ‘merkuns who do not conform.

Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

FACT: McConnell Voted To Raise the Debt Ceiling 8 Times Between 1997 and 2008

105-H.R.2015 – Balanced Budget Act of 1997 

107-S.2578 – Debt limit bill (2002)

108-H.J.Res.51 – Debt limit increase resolution (2003)

108-S.2986 – A bill to Amend Title 31 of U.S. Code to increase the public debt limit (2004)

109-H.J.Res.47 – Debt limit increase resolution (2006)

110-H.J.Res.43 – Increasing the statutory limit on the public debt (2007)

110-H.R.3221 – Housing and Recovery Act (2008)

110-H.R.1424 – Emergency Economic Stabilization Act (2008)

FACT: Boehner Voted To Raise the Debt Ceiling 6 Times Between 1997 and 2008

105-H.R.2015 – Balanced Budget Act of 1997

107-S.2578 – Debt limit bill (2002)

108-H.J.Res.51 – Debt limit increase resolution (2003)

108-S.2986 – Amend Title 31 of U.S. Code to increase the public debt limit (2004)

109-H.J.Res.47 – Debt limit increase resolution (2006)

110-H.R.1424 – Emergency Economic Stabilization Act (2008)

Interesting how their spending spree ended when the shrub scurried out of office.

Fucking Traitors.

Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

Now I am engaged in a Great Grifting Scheme, testing whether fugly white Christian women, seething with vile racist hatred, can be fleeced of their Gubmint Soshulist Security checks. We are met at a great fundraising event of that scheme, and I have come to dedicate a portion of SarahPAC proceeds, as proof positive that those who here give their cash, do so that my daughter may have unlimited cosmetic surgery and her own reality show. It is altogether fitting and proper that us Real ‘mercans®—yes, even those who don’t have their own personal Witch Doctors—should do this.

But, in a larger sense, Charlie, I cannot dedicate, I cannot consecrate, I cannot hallow this ground without demonstrable profit. The decrepit old white Christian men, living and dead, who struggled to get up that hill in their free Medicaid scooters, have consecrated it, far above my expectation of the gate receipts. The world will little note, nor long remember the nonsensical word salad that spews from my Twitter account, but it can never forget the money I made here.

It is for us the wealthy, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who pay me have thus far so nobly advanced. Also, too, it is for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining until my Greed…er… One Nation Tour is over—that from these ignorant rubes I take increased donations to that cause for which they give the last full measure of their measly bank accounts—that I here highly resolve that these rubes shall not have contributed in vain—that Sarah Palin, under the Warmongering God of Joel’s Army, shall give a new birth to Fascism—and that government of the non-believers, by Big Oil, for the sake of my net worth, shall not perish from the earth.

For those who prefer United States History to Republican Revisionist History®, here is the actual text of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

Did you know? Sarah’s husband, Todd Palin, was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party, an extremist secessionist group that gained the backing of Iran (yes, that Iran) in it’s efforts to secede from the good ol’ USA?

Also, too, here’s Sarah, “delighted” to give the welcome speech to the 2008 Alaskan Independence Party Convention. Good thing the dumb fucking hicks don’t know about teh YouTubes, eh?

Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

2012: A Space Cadet’s Odyssey

2012: A Specious Oddity

A Campaign Too Far

A Fibber Runs Through It

A Fistful of Dollars, Also II

A Nightmare on Your Street

A Room with a View of Russia

A Serious Joke

Alaska Family Robbing Soon

Alaska Shrugged

All About Thieves

All Quiet On the Frontal Lobe

All Quiet on the Wingnut Front

All the Candidate’s Family

All The President’s Men Snickered

Also Too: Electric Boogaloo

Amadoofus

Animal Spouse

Apocalypse Soon

Apocalypstick on a Pig

As Bad As It Gets

Attack of the 50-IQ-Point Woman

Attack of the Stupid Bimbo

Auntie Lame

Babbling On 5

Back to the Past

Batshit Begins

Batshit Forever

Batshit Returns

Battlefield Earth II

Bimbo Fink

Birdbrain of Anchorage

Birther of a Nation

Bitch Cassidy and the Oddly Named Kids

Blazing Prattle

Blood Simple-Minded

Blunderball

Brainspotting

Bridge on the Tongass Narrows

Bringing Out The Dread

Bristol’s Millions

Burn After Watching

Burst Sarah Burst

Burying Alaska

Bye, Bye, Birdbrain

C*A*S*H (double featured with Gone With The Palins)

Camp Nowhere

Campaign Season Fever

Casablankstare

Casabumpkin

Chagrintown

Chariots of Bile

Chariots of Liar

Citizen Con

Citizen Inane

Citizen Insane

Citizen Vain

Close Encounters of a Closed Mind

Clueless II Also

Cocktail Party Punchline

Coffee, Tea, and Pay Me

Crocodile Fundie

Crouching Palin, Hidden Dragonlady

Cultural Learnins of Alaska for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of America

Das (Nieman Marcus) Boots

Dazed and Confused, Also II

Death Panel Becomes Her

Death Race 2012

Desperately Seeking Syntax

Despicable Her

Do the Stupid Thing

Dopey’s Choice

Dr. Griftlove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Apocalypse

Dr. No Fucking Way She Just Said That

Driving Miss Crazy

Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest: The Sarah Palin Story

Dumbsmoke

Easy Grifter

Easy Liar

Erasedhead

Eternal Sunshine of the Right Wing Mind

Fahrenheit All of Them

Falling Up

Fancy Pageant Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie.

Fantasia 2012

Far Away, Too Close

Fauxy Lady

Firing Super Troopers

First Dude, Where’s My Vice Presidency?

Five Sleazy Pieces

Flashdunce

Flung Poo Pander

For A Few Million Dollars More

Forgetting Sarah Palin

Four Campaigns and a Movie

Four Photo Ops and a Turkey Slaying

Free Tickets and Our Air Conditioner is Working

From Here To Inanity

From Here to Insanity

From Here to Paternity

From Here to Wingnuttia

From Wasilla with Hate

Full Mental Jackass

Full Metal Straight Jacket

Full Pleather Jacket

Fun With Levi’s Dick and Jane

Gentlemen Prefer Morons

Gone with the Cash

Gone with the Mind

Gone with the Whine

Governor Interrupted

Grifter Nation

Griftereye

Grifters For Algernon

Grizzly Madam

Guess Who’s Coming To Zing Her

Have Some More Num Nums You Fat Teabagging Sacks of Shit, or How I Learned To Sit Still While Sarah Palin Robbed My Dumb Ass Blind

Heading for Mexico – Like The Rest Of The Country

Helicopter Dances With Wolves

High Plains Grifter

Honey, I Exploited the Kids!

How Green Was My V.P.

How to Lose An Election in 10 Weeks

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Documentary Edition

How to Make An American Quit

How to Make An American Wilt

How To Succeed in Conservatism Without Really Trying

How To Fail In Politics By Not Really Trying

How To Train Your Dragon Lady

I, Botox

Ice Grifter Cometh

Ice Station C-Bra

Idiocracy

I’m Gonna Grift You Sucka

In What Respect, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

In What Respect, Charlie Brown?

Inarticulate Proposal

Inglourious Bitch

Ingrate Expectations

Intolerable Cruelty

It’s a Wonderful Lie

Jackass 4 II

John McCain’s a Series of Unfortunate Events

Juneau II: Post Partum

Keepin’ it Steal

Killer Klown from Outer Alaska

Kindergarten Governor

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Wink Wink

Kung Fool Sarah

Legally Braindead

Legends of the Fail

Le Miserable

Less Than Zero IQ

Liarance of Alaska

Lie Another Day

Lie Hard

Lie Hard Also II

Lie Hard with a Vengeance

Little Governor of Horrors

Little Miss Barking

Lonesome Gov

Look Who’s Screeching, Also II

Loonraker

Lost in Transcription

Lyin’ in Winter

Mad Sarah to the Max

Malice Doesn’t Grift Here Anymore

Maverick Fever Pitch

McCain’s List

Meet Joe the Plumber

Meet the Parents. And the Kids. And Their Kids. And their Kids’ Kids’ Baby Daddies

Mentl

Midnight Quitter

Miracle on Meth Street

Mommie Dearest, Also  II

Mommy Palin’s Life of Quit’n

Monster’s Fall

Monty Python and the Holy Grifter

Mooseferatu

Mother, Jugs and Greed

Mrs. Doubtevolution

Mrs. Doubtsanity

Mrs. Grift Goes To Washington

Mrs. Palin Visits Juneau Part-Time, Takes Housing Allowance

Mutiny on the Campaign

My Left Foot (Is In My Mouth Also, Too)

My Little Phony

Nailin’ Palin  (or has that already been used?)

National Lampoon’s Presidential Candidate

Night of the Living Douchebag

Nightmare on Your Street

No Country for Black Men

No Country For Half-Term Governors

No Country For Newspaper Reading

No Hope No Change: The Sarah Palin Story

North By Nordstroms

Northern Blights

Northern Overexposure

Not-Hur

Not-So-Brave Heart

On a Clear Day You Can See teh Stupid

One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Nest

One Thick Phony

Pale Derider

Paligula

Palin 9 From Outer Space

Palin Hood: Princess of Thieves

Palin vs. Palin

Palindrama (hope the fucking mittens’ oppo research is up to the job)

Patriot Lames

Petty Baby

Petty Woman

PILF!

Pride and Prejudice, Also II

Profiles in Couric

Psycho II Also

Pulp Diction

Quit the Right Thing

Racky (starring Appalling Greed)

Raging Bullshit

Raiders of the Lost Surplus

Rain Woman

Real America and the Quest for the Golden Newspaper Stand

Reality Based Community Bites

Red Yawn

Re-Fudiator

Requiem for a Scheme

Riding in Clown Cars with Grizzly Mamas

Roger Ailes and Me

Scam By Me

S*H*I*T

Sarah and Sarah and Sarah and Sarah

Sarah, Blame and Gall

Sarah, Vain and Small

Sarah Palin and the Chamber of Echo

Sarah Palin and the Deathly Panels

Sarah Palin and the Half Term of Doom

Sarah Palin and the Last Crusade

Sarah Palin and the Temple of D’oh

Sarahnormal Activity

Saving Princess Palin

Say (Absolutely) Anything

Scent of A Moron

Serial Mom, also II

Sex, Lies, and Twitterfeeds

Shootout at the GOP Corral

Six Days, Seven Nights (then I quit)

Slumwolf Millionaire

Snakes in the Brain

Snark Attack 3: Megalomaniac

Snowbilly Grifter and the United States of 27%

So I Married a Syntax Murderer

Soylent Mean

Spender in the Dress

Spite Night

Squirmish

Star Bursts Episode 1 : The Phantom Nuisance

Star Bursts Episode 2 : Attack of the Clueless

Star Bursts Episode 3 : Revenge of the Stupid

Star Bursts Episode 4 : A New Imbecile

Star Bursts Episode 5 : The Idiot Strikes Back

Star Bursts Episode 6 : Return of the Moron

Starburst Wars

Starwhore

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Your Primary Hopes Dead

Stranger than Pulp Fiction

Sullivan’s Travails

Swindler’s List

Take the Money and Run

Tard Dreck V: The Search for Palin’s Brain

Taxi Driver II, Sarah Cleanses New York

Tea Agony and Tea Ecstasy

Tea Party in the Garden of Good and Evil

Tea with Moosilini

The 40-Year-Old Sixth Grader

The Alaskan Mental Patient

The Alaskan Queen

The American Press-is-Dense

The Apostle’s Screed

The Bad News Mama Bears

The Brain Dead Zone

The Bridge on the River No One Lives Near

The Christian Dominionist Candidate

The Clinging Defective

The Collapsing Inferno

The Countrykillers

The Dead Panel

The Deadliest Wretch

The Delusionist

The Devil Wears Mukluks

The Evil (not quite) Dead

The Exorcist Failed

The Faketrix

The Fall of the House of Musher

The Flim Flam Ma’am

The Free Red Shoes

The Godbotherer

The Goodbye Governor

The Graduate (Finally!)

The Grating Voice of Wrath

The Greatest Snowjob on Earth

The Greatest Story Ever Sold

The Grifters

The Half Monty

The Half-Term Princess

The Handmaid’s Fail

The Harrad/Hawaii Pacific/Northern Idaho/Idaho/Matanuska-Susitna College/Idaho Experiment

The Horseshit Whisperer

The House of Seven Grifters

The Human Conservapede (Half-Term Sequence)

The Hurt Locker

The Illustrated Dingbat

The Incredible Sulk

The Incurious Case of Sarah Snowbilly

The Insanitarium of Quitter Dumbass

The Jerk II, Also

The Kids Are All Fucked Up

The Legend of Teabagger Rants

The Lord of the Lies

The Lyin’, The Bitch and the Million Dollar Wardrobe

The Lying Game

The Maladjustment Bureau

The Mannequin Candidate

The Mansourian Candidate

The Neverending Whorey

The Newspaperchase

The Non-Graduate

The People vs. Sarah Palin

The Princess Pride

The Rape Kits of Wrath

The Right Bluff

The Right Stuff, Also II

The Rocky Horror Campaign Show

The Scorn Identity

The Scum Also Rises

The Shawshank Refudiation

The Silence of the Media

The Silence of the Turkeys

The SixthNon Sense

The Sociopath Network

The Sour Grapes of Staff

The Sucker Proxy

The Sun Also Rises, Too

The Treasure of the Sarah Con Game

The Unbearable Denseness of Being Sarah Palin

The Unbearable Whiteness Of Being Sarah Palin

The UnProfessional

The Unteachables

The Unusual Suspects

The Vagina Diatribes

The Wasillaville Horror

The Way We Were (White People)

The Wench Connection

The Whole Two-and-a-Half Yards

The Wholly Babble

The Woman Who Knew Too Little

The X-Gov Files: Fight Her Future

The Year of Living Ludicrously

The GOP and Their Dog

There Will Be Blood Libel

They Call Me Sister Fibs

They Died With Thigh Boots On

Throw Sarah From the Train

Throw Levi From The Train

Titanic II – You Know How This Ends

To Be or Not to Be, also, too…. what was the question?

To Kill a Mocking Couric

To Mock a Birdkilling

To Roger Ailes, Thanks for Everything – Sarah Oldmar

Todd and Sarah’s Excellent Fail Parade

Trailerpark Millionaire

Training Day Fuck, better make that a coupla years

Triumph of the Shill

Triumph of the Shrill

True Grift

True Quit

True Shit

Twelve Million Angry White Men

Two Mewls for Sister Sarah

Two Years for Sister Sarah

Unelectable

Unforgiven

Vapid Fire

Village of the Scammed

Wannabe Cowboys vs. Illegal Aliens

War On the Words

Wasila Birther Mystery

Wasilla vs. Mechadestroyah

Weird Pseudo-Intelligent Design

Wet Dreams May Come: The Rich Lowry Story

When Sarah Met Money

Where Vultures Dare

White Club

White Hunter, Black Socialist

White People Can’t Think

Who’s Afraid of the Virginia Primary?

Wingnut Ridge

With Deepest Apathy

Witless

Word Salad Days

Yankee Doodle Dimwit

You’ve Got Fail

Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?

Scary stuff, right? In fact, their plea for cold hard cash to counteract this outrage was so heartfelt that I figured I’d help the pathetic bastards out.

Dear RedState Fundraisers:

I understand you have launched a new effort to get the 18-34 year old Obama voters to vote for [Republican Nominee] in 2012 and I’m writing with some good ideas on how to do that.

First of all, 18-34 year old Obama voters from 2008 will be the 22-38 year-olds Obama voters in 2012, so let’s just say you’re targeting The Millennials. Also know as Generation Y, they are the 14th American Generation and the most racially diverse ever, whose earliest cohorts were the High School Class of 2000, and are now approaching 30. They are destined to become The New Greatest and I must say that doesn’t bode well for you because, as you know, The Greatest successfully defeated Right-Wing Fascism. (just sayin…)

Born after 1982, The Millennials don’t remember a time when ‘merca wasn’t spiraling into decay, overrun by ignorant, racist trailer trash who dismiss radio-carbon dating and climate change as ‘librul conspiracies’ and preach the gospel of HATE, so it’s going to be a mighty tough sell, getting them to buy into The Republican Path to Poverty.

The good news is, you boys can save some of the Koch Brothers/Citizens United $billions you would have spent on Liberty U. hacks speechwriters, because I’ve already written the perfect speech for [Republican Nominee] to use at Republican Propaganda Events® staged to convince The Millennials that the Republican Party gives a flying fuck about them, or their kids, or their parents.

1) VENUE CONSIDERATIONS:

With regard to venue, it is likely that you will be able to attract more Millennials in college towns, but use extreme caution with this. College students tend to be very bright — many actually believe in that bogus science-y stuff, so best bet is that  [Republican Nominee] does not mention the official Conservative Position that the earth is a mere 6,000 years old and that is how Vacuous Celebrity Sarah Palin® knows that Jesus rode around on dinosaurs.

Once you’ve managed to actually attract some Millennials to the Republican Propaganda Event®, [Republican Nominee]* staff will have to ensure that the young people have an unobstructed view of the decrepit old white people who have been bused in by the Koch Brothers. Make sure their Free Medicaid scooters are parked in nice neat rows and that their “Obama-as-a-Nazi-Chimp” signs are clearly visible  —> This is of Critical Importance! Our polling indicates that the great wit expressed by these signs will go a long way towards changing the hearts and minds of the millions of young people who voted for the Obama in 2008.

*Important Note

If Vacuous Celebrity Sarah Palin® is  [Republican Nominee], best to avoid college towns entirely, and limit the discussion to how the librul’s fixed the judging on”Dancing with the Stars”.

The upside of a Vacuous Celebrity Sarah Palin Propaganda Event® is that there will be plenty of demented old white women with bed hair and missing teeth. Our polling suggests that deranged shouts of “Kill Him!” will also go a long way towards changing the hearts and minds of the millions of young people who voted for the Obama in 2008, too. Also.

2) SPEECH INTRO:

“My fellow ‘mercans… Look! Look at the [shiny object]!  Fear the [shiny object]!”

Instructions

Insert Scary Keywords™ into the [shiny object] field as required, based on who is financing the particular Republican Propaganda Event®

Examples:

For FOX News financing, use “Fear the Kenyan Muslim Nazi Socialist!”

For NRA Financing, use “Fear the Kenyan Muslim Nazi Socialist, who wants to take yer guns, Billy-Bob!”

NOTE: to save some Koch Brothers cash, maybe just play the video of The Evil Huckabilly calling for the assassination of the President

For Exxon/Mobil or BP financing  - OR – Republican Propaganda Events® staged in Texas
use “Fear the Kenyan Muslim Nazi Socialist and the Climate Scientists!”

NOTE: [Republican Nominee] must restrain his/her self from blurting out,”yeah, yeah, we know climate change is
real, but who cares? the more fossil fuel we force you dumb motherfuckers to burn, the richer we get!”

For Mildly Insane Fundie Freak financing (aka Westboro Baptist Church Republicans)
use “Fear the Kenyan Muslim Nazi Socialist and Planned Parenthood!”

For Seriously Insane Fundie Freak financing (aka Palin Republicans)
use “Fear the Kenyan Muslim Nazi Socialist who does not want Armageddon!”

For Extremely Insane Fundie Freak financing (aka Huckabee Republicans)
use “Fear the Kenyan Muslim Nazi Socialist and the United States Constitution!”

NOTE: to save some Koch Brothers cash, maybe just play the video of The Evil Huckabilly stating for the record that he wants to replace The Constitution with The Bible.

For Arizona, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Florida or New Jersey:

N/A  No need to bother staging Republican Propaganda Events® in these states. The $billions of Koch Brothers cash spent plastering the airwaves with lies, hate-speech, and fear-mongering worked even better than we hoped! With help from our allies at ProLeft, Inc. who did our bidding by telling Dems to stay home in 2010, we have successfully hoodwinked the ignorant yokels in these states into replacing Constitutional Democracy with Corporate Oligarchy.

We’d be remiss not to include a shout-out to The Bush Supreme Court® for aiding and abetting these Fascist Takeovers, with their brilliant and Constitutionally-sound Citizens United decision. Thanks, Justice Alito, for knowing that corporations are exactly the same as people! See you at our next Republican Fundraiser!

3)  RED MEAT OF SPEECH:

“Now, thanks to our successful thirty-year scheme to dumb down the masses —

Stage Business

Brief pause for wink and nod to the bleach-blond FOX spokesmodel who is in charge of Promotion and PR for the Republican Propaganda Event®.

“— we Republicans know that you kids are so stupid, you don’t even know that what The Republican Party is proposing for your future, so just in case anyone’s muddy on the nuts and bolts of The Republican Path to Poverty, allow me to explain.”

“Through the beneficence of your Tax-Free Corporate Masters, you will be given a low-wage, no-benefit McJob serving coal-fired red meat to gun-toting good ol’ boys. You will barely make ends meet throughout your lifetime as a slave to the Republican Corporate Oligarchy, work til you’re 70 — if lack of health care doesn’t get you first, that is [Sarah Palin Wink™ ] — then face retirement in abject poverty. And even better: all the while you get to watch as your Pac-Rim peers leapfrog past you in living standards, courtesy of producing and exporting Green Energy technology to the U.S. and the world!

“You see, the crux of The Republican Path to Poverty is that, instead of some of your taxes going to ensure that you will have access to minimum health care when you retire, these taxes will instead be given directly to ExxonMobil and/or some toupee-wearing assclown with a cheesy reality show! Awesome, right?

“Now, some of you might be thinking, but what about my parents? They’ve been paying Medicare taxes for, like, thirty years, now. Will I be responsible for their medical bills, too, when they retire?  The answer is: YES! Jokes on them because we’re handing their money directly to Exxon and Trump, too! You Millennials will just have to take care of your kids — and your parents — the best you can out of your Wal-Mart paycheck. Maybe best to just cross your fingers that the ER will have room for your kid/wife/mother if the need ever arises.

“You see, we Republicans are all about ‘family values’ but only as it applies only to our families. We don’t give a give a rat’s ass about your family — so your wife/kid/mother dies from lack of decent health care? Big deal. You can take solace from the fact that your hard-earned cash went to bigger national priorities, like making sure Exxon has plenty of cash to manufacture some more climate change denial propaganda, and helping Dick Cheney pay for his new condo in Dubai.”

Stage Business

Teabaggers will break out in wild cheering at the mention of The Big Dick —> do not attempt to stop it! Our polling suggests that the millions of young people who cited disgust at the War Crimes committed by the Cheney Regime as the number one reason they voted for Obama in 2008, have changed their minds about Torture, and now believe that Torture is, indeed, what makes ‘merca great.

“Now, as you know, the only real ‘mercans are white, straight, Fundamentalist Christians, and that people of all other races, sexual preferences, and religions are lesser humans to be feared [emphatic]. If you young people vote for us, rest assured that we’ll continue to:

“One: use the FOX 24/7 Republican Propaganda Channel, to spew vile hate-speech at your friends and loved ones who are Black, Latino, Asian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Wiccan, Agnostic, Atheist, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or employed by Hollywood.

“Two: use The United States Congress, working in conjunction with The Bush Supreme Court®, to ensure that Constitutional rights and protections are systematically stripped from these same friends and loved ones — witness our incredible success in stripping Constitutional protections from brown people in Jan Brewer’s Arizona! Bet you Millennials can’t wait to experience the thrill of having your friends and loved ones being forced to produce their papers! It’ll be just like those awesome Nazis on the train at the end of The Great Escape!

“Anyway, now that I’ve touched on sexual preference, allow me to expand on the Republican Party’s official position on the Sin of Sex®.

Stage Business

Pause for Fundie Freak cheering, while decrepit old white men pop their Free Medicare Viagra at the mention of ‘sex’.

“Our position, simply stated, is the Missionary Position, and that is only permissible between decrepit old, white Republican men and their frigid, downtrodden Republican wives (and just never mind the occasional crack hos they bring into the fun house that is the C Street Christian Congressional Lodgings).

“Also with regard to the Sin of Sex®, I’d like now to speak directly to those of you Millennials who were born female and, as such, are judged by God and man to be inferior. You’ll be pleased to hear that the Republican Party will do whatever it takes to ensure that when it comes to Choice for you and your daughters, the choice will be:

a) give birth   OR   b) prison   

“Now, unlike during the Bush Administration, when the Republican Congress was spending like drunken, syphilis-addled cowboys, you are now hearing a lot of talking points from the Koch Brothers Heritage Foundation Republican Party about the horrors of the national debt.  But — and let me be perfectly clear on this — we Republicans will raise that pesky debt ceiling in a New York Minute to borrow from China to fund — you got it! — another Unfunded Republican Ideological Crusade!

“In fact, the brand spanking new Republican Government Department of Uterus Regulation will be as big of a burden on future generations as the BushCo Unfunded Tax Cuts for The Wealthy, Bushco’s Unfunded Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the Bushco Unfunded Big Pharma Giveaway!

Stage Business

Pause for cheering from teabaggers who know that ‘unfunded’ means the same thing as ‘funded’

“Yes, that’s right! We will borrow trillions from China to create a HUGE NEW Government Agency that will monitor the menstrual cycles of every single ‘mercan woman of child-bearing age — and that even includes white women! Should we discover that your period is one day late, we will immediately dispatch the Rand Paul Pregnancy Police™ to begin your mandatory Nine-Month 24/7 Government Pregnancy Supervision.

“In addition, the Koch Brothers will pay The Bush Supreme Court® to issue a ruling that “Privacy” does not in any way apply to the homes, work places, or doctor’s offices of pregnant women. And God forbid, you suffer the unspeakable tragedy of spontaneous miscarriage — sucks to be you because we Republicans are going to criminalize miscarriage, too!

“Now you might say that this is in direct contradiction to the Republican mantra of ohmmmm… small government… ohmmm… small government. But, as you know, we Teabagging Republicans wear our hypocrisy as a badge of honor. While we believe that small government and no regulation is best for Private Enterprise, we reject out-of-hand the notion that your uterus is private.

“I know it’s hard not to get excited about all this Republican Government Department of Uterus Regulation, but unfortunately, there is a small downside to all of this. As you know, Vacuous Celebrity Sarah Palin* says that birth control is abortion, so we will, of course, impose a massive new tax on the middle-class to compensate Big Pharma for lost revenues when we outlaw The Pill.

* Important Note

If [Republican Nominee] is Vacuous Celebrity Sarah Palin, have a literate aide write the following on her hand:

Replace  ”Vacuous Celebrity Sarah Palin says”  with  ”I say”

“Once again, the Big Pharma Compensation Tax will only be levied on the middle class, so there’s no need for Donald Trump to fear it, and of course, the Republican Government Department of Uterus Regulation will not affect the daughters and granddaughters of old rich white men, as they have the God-given right to travel via private jet to Canada, England or any other enlightened nation, for their safe, legal abortions.

“Now, you might ask: what will become of the children that the Republican Government Department of Uterus Regulation will force you Millennial females to have? Well, as you know, as much as we love the fetus, we hate the child, so the Republican Path to Poverty also repeals the The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, with the extra added bonus of eliminating Medicaid, too! We vow to ensure that the unborn have a “right to life” only until they die from hunger or lack of healthcare, whichever comes first.

“You see, we Republicans believe it is a sign of ‘mercan exceptionalism that the good old U.S. of A. is rated 29th worldwide in infant mortality and a sparkling #2 in child poverty at just over 22% — and if a few more of those skinny goddamned Mexican kids would just die already, we’d be #1!”

Stage Business

Pause for rousing and protracted teabagger cheering.

4) ROUSING CONCLUSION

Instructions

[Republican Nominee] will, at this time, turn the hate-speech and fear-mongering up a notch by inserting the same Scary Keywords™ as in SPEECH INTRO into the [shiny object] fields below.

 In lieu of Scary Keywords™, you may also insert race, religion and/or sexual orientation of ‘THE OTHER’ as a means to whip up the fear. This is probably the better approach if Republican Propaganda Event® is being staged in Kansas, Nebraska, or Oklahoma.

“My friends, I started out today by talking about how terra-fying the [shiny object] should be to all young ‘mercans, and I must reiterate: BE AFRAID! Be very afraid! Be afraid of everything and everyone! Be so paralyzed with fear of [shiny object] that that you will believe everything you hear on the FOX 24/7 Republican Propaganda Channel and vote against your own best interests!

“Never forget that a vote for a Republican is a vote to give up a modicum of security in your old age so that Big Oil can keep its $4 Billion in annual subsidies and tax-exempt status, and — more importantly — ensure that talentless, professional celebrities like Sarah Palin and Donald Trump never — ever — have to fly commercial!

“But most importantly, when you young people vote Republican, you will put The Millennial Generation’s indelible stamp of approval on The Republican Path to Poverty and suffer the consequences for the rest of your lives!”

Stage Business

Propaganda Event ends with red, white and blue ExxonMobil balloons dropping on crowd.

[Republican Nominee] will at this time salute the Confederate flag and invite everyone to join in the singing of the New Republican National Anthem.

REPUBLICAN NOMINEE:

“Everybody — sing along! I got mine — fuck you! That’s right, everybody…c’mon…”

KOCH BROTHERS BUSED-IN TEABAGGERS:

“I got mine — fuck you! I got mine — fuck you! I got mine — fuck you! I got mine — fuck you!”

MILLENNIALS:

Oops! They ran screaming into the night, like, fifteen minutes ago, feeling badly in need of a shower, kicking themselves for listening when ProLeft, Inc. told them to stay home in 2010, and thoroughly convinced to vote for Obama again in 2012.

Sorry I couldn’t be of more help.

Sincerely,

Nameless GenXer from Jersey

I have mailed a hard copy of this, along with my blog URL to the “Human Events” published address, and, just for laughs, I’ve also sent it to Megan McCain, Millennial Ambassador for the Toothless Inbred Fuckwit Party (formerly know as the GOP). I’m really hoping they respond because I think it will make for some excellent chuckles over beers with my true blue buds.

Preemptive Apologies: I really do believe that there are people in Kansas, Nebraska, and Oklahoma who are not dumb fucking hicks. Really, I do.

Mr. Boehner: Where are the Jobs?